Scrambled eggs and a strawberry milkshake. This meal is what I recall consuming while taking myself out to that cute place full of hard-working people rushing on their lunch break, and day-dreamers, spending their day away.

I love treating myself to yummy foods, pleasant scents and lasting impressions. On that day, I decided to order my staple: a strawberry milkshake with scrambled eggs, perfected with salt and pepper. The sun hitting my plate and glass right on the spot through the biggest window I have ever seen, making my breakfast outing appear like a scene from a movie.

Then however, the pink milk of my milkshake, stirred up unexpected thoughts about the past. It mostly triggered the memory of my sense of self and how it was shaped over time.

My entire life I thought that my personality was supposed to resemble the sweetest milkshake or a warm vanilla-scented latte, with heavy cream on top. Instead, all I could recall while drinking my pink milk, was the intensity of a fiercly-shaped personality, still coming to fruition.

While drinking my shake slowely but eagerly, I felt a tingle on the back of my neck. The tingle made me think of my younger self. And all of a sudden, my younger self carefully crept up behind me and tapped me on my left shoulder. I turned around to make sure it was real, but I was nowhere to be found. In my blank stare, there was confusion and fear. But why? It was me!

Still, a few seconds later, that felt like the longest minutes, my younger self spoke to me and said: “It was always you. It was never anyone else.” What did she mean by that? She went on: “Do you know why you’re having this experience right now, while drinking an innocent strawberry milkshake? Because you used to be this drink. You represented this pink milk. You were so innocent, fragile and sweet. With pink cheeks and a milky texture so rich and full of life and opportunities. Over time, you stopped believing in yourself, but you’re on a good path to regaining your innocence and sweetness. You found a way back to yourself.” The tears in my eyes became so heavy, they felt like watery boulders I immediately had to drop.

How did she know? I mean, how did I know? And why did I care to tell myself about it today?

I guess over time, losing myself was essential to finding a way back to me, so that I can confidently and innocently enjoy a strawberry milkshake again, without anxiety or fomo.

A sense of great calm and relief overcame my mind and body, when I realised that I have only began slurping my pink milk. While I slurped, I told the people around me:

“While I sit here with my pink milk,

You will never be able to see,

The wholeness and entirety, of simply, me.”

Oh, and of course I ate the scrambled eggs too, but that’s a whole other story.