While strolling through the world’s first Susanna exhibiton in the Wallraf-Richartz museum in Cologne, this modern interpretation of the biblical Susanna, who fell victim to greedy and sexually-motivated glances of two old men at her naked body bathing, left me wondering. The men involved tried to break Susanna down and blackmail her into submission and obedience. She didn’t give up and “fought for her rights”. As a consequence, she was convicted of being a seducing adultress before the court.

Without going into the details of Susanna’s story, to this day, I am unsure how to interpret the following picture, deeply edged into my memory:

While I wanted to glance over to the medieval masterpieces at the start of the exhibiton, the crowded room elegantly revealed a loving couple to me, standing in front of the painting I wanted to look at. Both were in their 50s or 60s. The man looked a bit older compared to the woman. Both were dressed in mostly black with leather trousers, the woman wore heels and a necklace, and the man wore a formal jacket and a shirt. His hair was grey and put up with shaping hair paste, and the woman’s hair was long and blonde.

The couple was very sensual with one another. They caressed, touched, felt on, smelled on and dove all in into each other. They held hands, stroked each other’s bodies and didn‘t pay much attention to the paintings. In a different setting, their romantic and somewhat sexual intimacy would be regarded as a portrayal of being ‘in love’. In the context of this feminist exhibition, implying the female liberation in the times of MeToo, their attraction could have been regarded as an offensive and indifferent attack on Susanna’s struggles.

The man aggressively yet passionately touched the woman’s behind and made out with her like there was no tomorrow.

They didn’t just share a kiss, they full-blown made out.

They touched each other’s behinds in this crowded exhibiton.

They nearly left the exhibiton to go to a private place and continue what they have started in this exhibition. Well, so it seemed.

Their behviour made me feel so uncomfortable, even though seeing people in love never makes me that uncomfortable. But being surrounded by older people, young people, tourists, museum staff and the naked Susanna, I felt like their love-making endeavours were slightly disrespectful and misleading. I am not judging or hating, but how come that this act felt so out of place?

So many people around them looked – no, legitimately started, at the couple and was appalled, yet intrigued, by how blunt, direct and love-aggressive they were with each other. I was confused, but I couldn’t help but stare as well. I stared and looked and analysed what I saw in front of me. I couldn’t see the painting, but I could feel the electric chemistry between the couple; which could have partially been triggered by the sexual theme of the exhibiton.

I felt like a voyeur. I felt like a passenger, passing through. I felt like they were subconsciously, or maybe consciously, attacking the message behind Susanna’s story. Even though I am usually fairly chilled about being human and showing love, I felt guilty for looking at them like the old men were for looking at Susanna. I felt like I was silencing the issue, by turning into an accomplice in this crime of passion in front of Susanna’s eyes.

Was I ashamed or just jealous?