Once, I was running down a street with a broken leg. I’m not gonna explain how that happened but just leave an illusion of my broken leg in your head. The past weeks have been a torture and a blessing. Opposites attract. I was hurt in many ways. It seems somewhat pathetic that everyone always speaks about the bad stuff that’s making us weak and vulnerable usually caused by the ones we love. Instead, I want to focus on the good things. Bad times elevate ones broken soul and imaginary broken bones such as my leg. I needed to be strong and just wait a little. I waited for things to change between us but I haven’t really been as relaxed as I may sound right now. No one is listening or reading my thoughts anyway so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be honest and illogical about myself and my situation. Not only my leg was broken but every other part of my body. While walking in the darkness not being afraid of anything because I was so deep in thoughts, I thought to myself: Feeling powerless is a daily struggle for most people. However, some are in the advantage of being able to deal with it and overcome its product, that of suffering. God damn it, I am so weak. I want you back but I can’t turn around. My feet are burning and itching to just turn and be back with you but not after all you said to me. I do forgive you in case you’d ask for forgiveness, I would let you kiss me if you’d try, I would talk everything through again but mostly listen to you no matter how harsh the use of your language is… I would want to take you back, my arms would stretch out towards you and hug you real hard but I know what my first thought would be in that moment: This is wrong. You’re wrong. I love you so much but you said too much to me. I am okay with this because it is what you think but I can’t accept it for myself. The hardest bit right now is trying to stop my legs from walking in the direction of your house.

No stars are visible in the sky tonight, how romantic. After thinking so much too myself about you I start realising that being hurt actually feels good. I like being broken and hurt, especially by you. You broke me so much so that it feels real and reality doesn’t always have to be brutally painful and unacceptable; it can also be good for you and nurture your soul with new power. Not necessarily to move on and find someone new but you can come back to whoever that is that made your heart miserable and undesirable for anyone else and just let your legs and feet guide you back to them. You would probably take me back because you’re selfish and you don’t love me as much as I love you, and that’s absolutely fine. Everybody loves differently or not at all or not as much and still find themselves in functioning relationships. Like my mother said: “Being in a relationship is like observing and understanding the power and utility of Art which is complicated, sophisticated and never entirely clear or truthful.” I agree. Partners have secrets, secret passions and desires, different wishes and dreams and one day they either learn how to live with differences and create lies not to lose one another and what they have built over time, or you separate. For now, my feet have almost reached your front door, I ring the door bell and you open the door in a split second. Instantly, my arms stretch out with open palms and you hug me. All of a sudden, all my broken bones are fixed. I know you don’t deserve me giving you millions of chances all over again but I am powerless for your love. I love being hurt by you, please continue, never stop. I will never leave even though I try every time.

I am powerless for your love.